Ourselves As We Really Are

I had the chance to speak in Sacrament meeting yesterday so I thought I would share the talk I gave here as well. I gave this as a Mother's Day talk because of the experience of my own mom. She always hates going to church on Mother's Day because it reminds her of everything she wasn't as a mother--all of what she saw as her weaknesses and failures. So this talk is specifically directed towards you mothers out there:

Ourselves as We Really Are

On February 25th, 2015, a near cataclysmic event occurred that shook our society to the core. Families were divided and life-long friendships put to the test. The effect of this event was great enough to eradicate previous dividing lines existing within our culture--not the dividing lines of sport teams or political parties, but of Team Harry Potter vs Team Voldemort and Team Edward vs Team Jacob--and created a new dividing line: Team White and Gold vs Team Blue and Black.

For those who managed to miss the social media phenomena known as #thedress, a picture of a dress was posted that appeared different colors to different people. Assured this was a large scale practical joke, I looked at the picture and easily identified it as white and gold. Amazed that such a large contingency could see this picture as blue and black, I showed Kelsey the picture and asked her what color the dress was without giving her any context. I was astounded when she responded the dress was either “blue and brown or blue and black.”

It was later confirmed that the dress was blue and black but due to the lighting in the picture the colors could be interpreted differently due to a scientific principle known as chromatic adaption or color constancy. To maintain constant colors the brain interprets color signals transmitted from the eye differently depending on how the object is illuminated, allowing us to always see the object’s “true” color.

To identify an object’s true color, the brain must sift through various input signals such as hue, saturation, brightness, and many researchers believe our expectations also affect the interpreted color. An incorrect interpretation of the various input signals causes the brain to mis-see the color, while a correct interpretation allows the brain to see “things as they really are” (Jacob 4:13).

Much like our brain’s ability to correctly identify a color depends on its ability to interpret multiple input signals, our own ability to correctly evaluate our self-worth is dependent on our ability to filter the various forms of feedback we receive. While we know our Heavenly Father has sent us the Holy Ghost which “speaketh the truth and lieth not” (Jacob 4:13), “filleth with hope and perfect love” (Moroni 8:26), and teacheth “the truth of all things” (Moroni 10:5), we also know that “there are many spirits which are false spirits, which have gone forth in the earth, deceiving the world. And also Satan hath sought to deceive [us], that he might overthrow [us]” (DC 50:2-3).

While we often study the story of Korihor to identify characteristics of an anti-Christ, we can also learn another important lesson from his example. Korihor taught the Nephites “that there should be no Christ” and asked these poignant questions: “why do ye yoke yourselves with such foolish things? Why do ye look for a Christ?” (Alma 30:12-13). Having presumably grown up amongst the Nephites during a time when the prophet Alma was vigorously teaching the word of God and establishing the church throughout the land, why then did Korihor believe there would be no Christ? After being shown a sign in that he was made dumb and could not speak, Korihor wrote these words as an explanation: “I always knew that there was a God. But behold, the devil hath deceived me; for he appeared unto me in the form of an angel” (Alma 30:52-53). Korihor was unable to interpret the truth from Satan’s lies--unable to see things as they really were--and suffered death because of it.

Believing the devil’s lies might not bring a physical death upon us, but it will bring a spiritual death. Under his influence, many blatantly “call evil good, and good evil” (Isaiah 5:20) but his influence also affects us in much more subtle ways. We know that “each [of us] is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World); yet Satan works to convince us that we are unworthy of our Heavenly Father’s love and mercy, incapable of repentance, and inadequate when compared to those around us. Because of his influence, we too often share the sentiments of Mr. Sydney Carton in a Tale of Two Cities when asked why he not change his life and make it better. “It is too late for that,” he said. “I shall never be better than I am. I shall sink lower, and be worse” (Tale of Two Cities, pg. 149). Satan’s lies, if we let them, cause us to feel like “boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past” (The Great Gatsby, pg. 180), reminded constantly of our previously failures and inadequacies.

How then do we learn to see through Satan’s lies, through the false realities he teaches, and through the mists of darkness he raises up around us? Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught, "The Holy Ghost will protect us against being deceived, but to realize that wonderful blessing we must always do the things necessary to retain that Spirit. We must keep the commandments, pray for guidance, and attend church and partake of the sacrament each Sunday" (Be Not Deceived, Oct 2004). Jacob taught that “the Spirit speaketh the truth” (Jacob 4:13) and the Savior himself taught that “truth is a knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come” (D&C 93:24). Through the Holy Ghost we are able to see ourselves for who we truly are and who we truly can become, not who Satan would have us believe that we are.

In Lehi’s dream, we learn that those who “did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron” were able to pass through the mists of darkness safely and arrive at the tree of life (1 Nephi 8:30). We too must hold fast to the words of God and “treasure up in [our] minds continually the words of life” (D&C 84:85), for “light and truth forsake that evil one” (D&C 93:37). In addition, “by the power of the Holy Ghost, [we] may know the truth of all things,” even the truth concerning who we really are (Moroni 10:5).

We often see self-deprecation and self-abasement as forms of humility; however, when the Savior taught the first and second great commandments he also taught another important lesson. He taught the first and great commandment was to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind” and the “second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matt 22:37-39). We see within this commandment to love our neighbors another commandment: the commandment to love ourselves. How is it possible to fulfill the commandment to “love thy neighbor as thyself” if we do not first love ourselves? This love need not be prideful, but we can learn to love ourselves for who we are--for the talents, gifts, and abilities we have been blessed with rather than finding fault in ourselves because of those we lack.

Elder Hugh B. Brown often told the story of a currant bush on a run down farm he purchased in Canada. The currant bush had grown over six feet tall but yielded no fruit nor blossoms. Elder Brown trimmed back the bush extensively and after doing so he noticed “what appeared to be a tear.” He then commenced an imaginary conversation with the currant bush, asking why it cried. The currant bush responded, “How could you do this to me?...I was almost as big as the shade tree and the fruit tree that are inside the fence, and now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me, because I didn’t make what I should have made.” Elder Brown answered, “Look, little currant bush…I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush (The Currant Bush, January 1973 New Era)

Each of us at times feels the need, as did the currant bush, to compare ourselves to those around us. The currant bush measured its own growth not by the fruit it produced but by how tall it grew in comparison to the other trees in the garden. We too, from time to time, judge ourselves not by our own strengths but by how we compare to the strengths of others. However, just as Elder Brown did not intend the currant bush to be a fruit tree nor a shade tree, our Heavenly Father does not intend for each of us to be identical. At times we feel we do not fit the mold of what we believe a “perfect church member” should be because of our differences in comparison to other ward members; however, these thoughts are deceptions the adversary uses to lead us away from the truth, just as he did with Korihor. Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf explained the following in his April 2013 conference address:

“While the Atonement is meant to help us all become more like Christ, it is not meant to make us all the same. Sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin….This line of thinking leads some to believe that the Church wants to create every member from a single mold—that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every son different from his father. Even identical twins are not identical in their personalities and spiritual identities” (Four Titles, April 2013).

Our Savior taught throughout his mortal ministry that we need not be identical nor produce the same “fruits” as others to qualify to receive all that our Father hath:

1. In the parable of the sower, seeds are scattered in various growing conditions. Only those seeds, however, that fell in good soil brought forth fruit. Some of those seeds “brought forth...an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold.” When explaining this parable to the disciples, did Christ call those which brought forth thirtyfold good, sixtyfold better, and an hundredfold best? No, but rather he called those that bore fruit “[them] that heareth the word, and understandeth it,” not distinguishing between those who brought forth more or less (see Matt 13:3-8).
2. In the parable of the laborers in the vineyard, the householder hires laborers to work in his vineyard. Throughout the day more laborers are recruited and when the day’s end arrives, all the laborers are paid equally regardless of the time they spent in the vineyard. Obviously those who began early in the day gathered more fruit. However, they were not compensated based on the fruit they gathered but by their productive use of time in the vineyard (see Matt 20:1-16).
3. In the parable of the talents, the servants of a lord are given talents--a form of currency--before their lord departed on a journey. Upon returning he expected the servants to have gained an increase on the money they had been left with. Those servants who returned an increase were told by the lord: “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of the lord.” While one servant returned ten talents unto the lord and the other only four, they both received the same reward (see Matt 25:14-30).

These parables remind us that “unto whom much is given much is required” (D&C 82:3). Those in the parables were never judged by the quantity of fruit or money they produced, but by the effective use of that which they had been given--whether it was fortuitous circumstances, time, or money. The prophet Alma taught at the waters of Mormon that “the people of the church should impart of their substance, every one according to that which he had” (Mos. 18:27). This same principle applies to the spiritual gifts which each of us has been blessed with.

In Doctrine and Covenants we learn that “all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby” (D&C 46:11-12). While we must be careful not to become complacent and excuse ourselves from trying by saying, “that isn’t my talent,” we must also remember that we will not be judged in comparison to the shade trees or fruit trees, but according to what we did with our own gifts and talents.

Ge·ron·i·mo

This video really has nothing to do with what I want to say, but it has been a favorite song I discovered recently so I thought I would share. But then again, maybe the word geronimo is the perfect word to describe my semester. It is defined as: used to express exhilaration, especially when leaping from a great height or moving at a high speed.

My semester isn't quite over yet--I still have one final left to go--but the difficult finals are out of the way. It has been a crazy semester for me. I know I say that every time I post, but it really was. Not only did I take way to many credit hours, but in the middle of September I got a new church calling and then at the beginning of October I was offered a pretty cool internship. It was enough to keep me more than busy.

This semester has taught me some important lessons. I have been unsure about what career path I wanted to follow and I felt hesitant to really pursue physical therapy. There were so many different things I wanted to do that it was half-hearted when I would say I wanted to go into physical therapy. But then this summer I made the decision that it was what I really wanted to do. My patriarchal blessing says simply that I would be guided in my choice of a future career and it was frustrating because we didn't feel like we were receiving that promised guidance. But then one day I sat down and looked at how things had been playing out in my life, saw the opportunities that had been opening up to me, and realized I had been guided--just not in the way I was expecting. I learned that sometimes we miss the answers we are waiting for because they come in a different form than we expect.

Another important lesson learned is that "whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies" (Thomas S. Monson, “Duty Calls,” Ensign, May 1996, 44). We seem to think this applies strictly to church callings, but I learned this semester it applies to any work the Lord calls us to do. It is the same principle Nephi explained when he said, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them" (1 Nephi 3:7).

Any time the Lord gives us a commandment, when he gives us guidance or direction, when we feel the promptings of the Holy Spirit, he always prepares the way for us to "accomplish [that] thing." This was a semester that through my own abilities I wasn't capable of completing. Not successfully at least. But I have seen my talents expanded. I have seen the Lord bless me with a strength beyond my own that allowed me to finish my homework on time, do well in my internship, and have time for my calling. I followed the path the Lord wanted me to follow this semester, and while illogical and impractical in the eyes of the world, he gave me the abilities to be successful. He prepared the way for me. And I know that is not a unique experience but one that we can all enjoy.

The final lesson I learned is that at times, we are our own stumbling block. Sometimes it isn't others, or our circumstance, but ourselves holding us back. For the last year, I felt stagnant. I felt as those I wasn't making any progress in my life. I felt like I was running on a treadmill: though running and becoming exhausted, I wasn't getting anywhere. I was waiting to be told what to do next in my life.

But like I already mentioned, I finally made the decision that I wanted to go into physical therapy. And then doors suddenly started opening to me. I went from running on a treadmill to a dead sprint just so I could try and keep up with life. Within two months, I had added extra classes to my schedule, received a new calling, and gotten an internship. I felt like I was doing more in just a few weeks than I had done during the last year. And that is when I realized that I hadn't been waiting on the Lord to give me an answer, he had been waiting on me to make a decision. There are times in our lives where we need to wait--where we need to be patient. But I realized this was a time when I needed to act. I was waiting to be acted upon--to be told what to do. But the Lord wanted me to exercise my agency and make my own decision. And when I did, my life suddenly had purpose and direction again. I was no longer running on the treadmill--I was moving forward.

This has been one of my favorite semesters. Without a doubt the hardest of my life--and I hope it will always be the hardest of my life. But so many awesome things happened this semester. In addition to everything I already mentioned, I ran a sprint triathlon on Labor Day. We went to Zions and hiked Angels Landing over Fall break. And I figured out who I wanted to be and learned some incredibly important lessons along the way. As we would say in Portuguese: valeu a pena (it was worth it).

(At the peak of Angels Landing)

(Chipmunks just really like me I guess)

Also, we are thinking of adding vinyl lettering (either a scripture or a quote/saying) above the front door of our apartment. If you any suggestions, we would love to hear them.

Dare to Stand Alone

In my honors writing course, we created videos as our final project. I'm the only member in my class but I wanted to do my video on my mission. Many of the students aren't very fond of the Church, but this way more for me than for them. Things went a lot better than I expected when I should my video in class and overall I would say it was definitely a success. Anyways, I wanted to share this video for all my friends to see as well but I deactivated my Facebook account a few months ago so this is the only place I have left to share it. I hope you all enjoy! And ps, there should be captions so if they don't show up click on the little CC icon in the bottom right corner of the video (you will have to be in full screen mode the see the icon). And make sure to watch this in HD (click the gear, again in the bottom right corner, and click on the quality drop down box and select 1080p), the time lapse videos came from other videos I found on YouTube and they look incredible in HD.

Small and Simple Things

"They [scriptures] can become stalwart friends that are not limited by geography or calendar. They are always available when needed.... Learning, pondering, searching, and memorizing scriptures is like filling a filing cabinet with friends, values, and truths that can be called upon anytime, anywhere in the world. - Elder Richard G. Scott

"The Power of Scripture" Oct. 2011

While walking home from class this morning, a man stopped me and asked if I was a Christian. He appeared to be homeless, or at least going through a rough time. When he stopped and asked me that question I immediately began thinking, "oh great, where is this going?" I was in for a bit of a surprise. When I told him I was a Christian, he asked if I could share a verse that I had read from the Bible that morning or a favorite verse about Christ that I knew. I froze, not knowing what to say. I had read my scriptures that morning, but I had read a section in the Doctrine and Covenants and couldn't think of anything to share from it.

By amazing coincidence (meaning the Lord put a few things in motion here), Kelsey and I are taking an institute class together and our teacher has been encouraging us to memorize scriptures. So over the past couple weeks Kelsey and I have been working on this. I choose to memorize (or rememorize) Alma 37:6-7. It was always one of my favorite scriptures, but I didn't have it memorized anymore.

Well it turned out that it was the only scripture I could think of, so I explained to him that I was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and that we have additional scriptures that teach of Christ and shared that verse with him. He told me that when he had lived in another state that some Mormons he was friends with had shared that verse with him and how it reminded him of another verse in the Bible. He then thanked me and continued on his way.

I was grateful as he walked away to have had a verse that I could share with him. As I walked home, I realized just how applicable that scripture was to me right now. It truly feels like things in my life have been lining up just right at the moment, but more than that they are things that truly would confound the wise. I mentioned in my previous post about my crazy semester, but it is a semester that counselors told me not to do. But I felt strongly about taking each class that I am in right now, and I have no doubts I needed to be in all these classes. They have opened some really unique opportunities up for me.

I learned two important lessons this morning: we should always have a verse of scripture memorized that we can share at any time and the Lord really does operate through the small and simple things to bring great things to pass.

To end, I mentioned our trip up to Stanley. Well my friend Jon put together this awesome video of our trip. You should check it out.

New Adventures

It seems everyday brings with it a new adventure this semester. Kelsey and I had a great end to our summer: spending a week in Idaho with some of my best friends and a few days with her family. We went to a cabin in Stanley, Idaho with the guys I have grown up with. We had a blast playing at the lakes (even though the highs were in the low 70s), hiking, disk golfing, and just hanging out. We then spent the final weekend before school started at Downata Hot Springs in Downey, Idaho.

We came home and school started the next day. I know I am crazy, but I'm taking 18 credit hours this semester. It's just the way my schedule worked out and I felt strongly I needed to take each of these classes this semester--and so far it has without a doubt been the right choice. One of the classes that logically I "should have dropped" was biomechanics. Luckily I didn't and am now getting to the chance to help with research in the biomechanics lab and they have some awesome research going on currently.

In addition to school and the new research I am becoming involved in, I have my own honors thesis that I'm trying to get moving on. Dr. Podlog (or Les, my thesis supervisor) and I nailed down the research question over the summer and so now it is on to reviewing the literature, designing my experiment, getting all the necessary approval, and carrying out the actual research.

On top of all this, I'm trying to find time to get in all the required job shadow hours for physical therapy. It hasn't been happening much so I need to get in touch with some physical therapists to see if I can come in and job shadow/intern with them. If any of you happen to currently be in physical therapy, I would love to hear if your physical therapist would allow someone to come in and job shadow for a two or three hours a week.

I have more news to write about, however my break from physics homework is coming to and end so it will have to wait. I hope everything is going well for you all and I enjoy reading about all your many adventures.

Variety's the very spice of life,

That gives it all its flavor.
The Task (1795)--"The Timepiece" (Book II lines 606-607)

William Cowper

Man I am terrible at this whole blogging thing. I have started about five posts that I haven't finished, so hopefully I can get through this one. I'll probably keep it short, but hopefully I can hit all the main points.

I know this is such a cliche way to start this post, but have you ever imagined what life would be like if we were all the same? I know it is one of those kindergarten questions we ask kids to make them feel like it is ok to be different. But seriously, have you stopped to think about how grateful you are that everyone is different. A good friend of mine (who also happened to be a young men leader of mine) works at a sewer plant. Probably every single one of us would think that is one of the worst jobs on planet earth. And yet he loves it. He is passionate about it. He enjoys everything about it. And I'm glad he does because it is a job I wouldn't want to have.

The problem we run into though is these kids go out of the classroom and into society, which tells them they shouldn't be different but the same. However society would never say that we all need to be the same, so it says we should all be equal. I know that doesn't make much sense, so let me show you what I mean:

5+5=10

5+5=10

Here are two equations that are equal and the same. But look at this next set of equations:

2x5=10

5+5=10

100/10=10

All of these equations are different, and yet they are equal. The point of all this is that I feel that we live in a world that is striving for sameness but calling it equality. Especially in terms of gender. Men and women are different. It is an unavoidable fact. And yet we are trying to make them same. We are trying to make them replaceable with one another in our society and quite frankly I don't think that is right. I believe that men and women are, and should be, equal. But I don't believe they should be the same. There are some hot topics surrounding the issues of gender roles and sexuality and I would encourage people when consider some of the issues at hand to examine whether they are furthering sameness or equality. I'm all for equality, but sameness I can't support.

However, onward and upward to more exciting things.

First, I can't believe we got the letters we wrote 5 years ago in AP English. Hard to believe how quickly 5 years goes by and how much can happen. I am doing summer semester. I can't wait for this semester to end. Chemistry has nearly been the death of me and after August 1st I am done with chemistry. I just get to move onto physics which made really be the death of me. But at least I will be done with chemistry. I'm still working towards becoming a sport psychologist and physical therapist, but who knows what will really happen. I gave a talk in church this Sunday and it was one of those moments that reminds me how much I enjoy teaching and preparing a lesson/talk (although I still get incredibly nervous when I have to get up in front of people).

Back at the start of May we got to go to California/Disneyland with my family which was a blast. One of the highlights was World of Color at California Adventure. I highly recommend it. And if you want to go on the new Cars ride just run for the ride as soon as the gates open. Everyone says to go straight for the Fastpass, but it is faster just to run for the ride. And you definitely need to go on the Toy Story game ride in California Adventure. It is much better than its Buzz Lightyear counterpart in Disneyland.

We also celebrated our first anniversary at the end of May. Because of our school and work schedules we didn't go anywhere, but we still had fun celebrating.

At the end of June hike Timpanogos Cave. Kelsey had never been before so it was fun to go up together. We also made a new friend after leaving the cave. At one point he was crawling up my leg.

So those are a few of our recent adventures. Hopefully you all are doing great and enjoying life.

The Plan(?)

So I haven't anything as far as a general update on life in awhile. Yesterday was the final day of classes and now we start finals week. It has been a fun semester. Except chemistry. That is a course I love to hate right now. One of the classes that just doesn't get along well with my brain. But I'm making it through. I find it fascinating. When I understand it. Emphasis on when I understand it. Unfortunately that doesn't happen as often as I would like it too.

It's going to be a very busy next few semesters. You see, this semester ends and then we leave for a trip with my family to California as soon as finals are over. We come back and the day after we get home summer semester starts. And I'm doing a full load this summer. Then summer semester ends. We are going to a friend's cabin for a week with a few of my good friends. Well we will go straight from that trip and meet Kelsey's family for a weekend camping trip. Then we come home and the next day Fall semester starts. So things will be busy, but I also think very fun. I have a few classes I'm really looking forward to each semester (as well as a few I'm not). And they all play perfectly into the plan.

The plan you see is to graduate with an Honors degree in Exercise and Sport Science. And I found out I'm getting a minor in psychology this week too. For a long time I had given up on the honors program here at the U, but I have had a few professors over the past couple semesters really pushing me to do it. So I'm getting starting on my honors thesis started over the summer and I'm really looking forward to it because it will be a chance to do some research related to sport psychology and physical therapy, which is perfect. You will, once I graduate I want to get a Master's degree in sport psychology and once I have my Master's then I will apply to Physical Therapy programs. After completing PT school, they have residency programs that are optional, but I would like to complete a sport physical therapy residency. The dream would be to one day work with professional athletes--meaning soccer players in England. But to clarify, I would be extremely happy working as a normal physical therapist with everyone and anyone.

There is a kink, however, in my grand plan. I've mentioned before that one of the professions I was considering was teaching. Well every now and then it still is. Seminary teaching to be exact. The thought of being a teacher excites me. I think about the people who most influenced my life and they are my teachers. I would love to have that same influence on others, to inspire them and help them realize their own potential.

But it would involve giving up a lot of other dreams. Like working with professional soccer players. Further study in the field of medicine. I love learning how the human body works. I love the way that that understanding of how the body functions can change someone's life for the better. I love the feeling of expertise that comes from understanding the subject and using that knowledge to benefit others. But I love studying the gospel. I love how it can change someone's life in a much more meaningful way. And I love to teach. I know it would be easy to say combine teaching with anatomy. But it just isn't appealing. It compromises some of the things I enjoy about each on its own. So its the dilemma that I'm faced with.

So for now, I stick to the plan. I have two years to go before the final decision has to be made. First I have to graduate so for now that is the focus and we will see where life takes us from there. Lucky for me I have an incredibly supportive wife who just wants me to be happy and do what I love.

Sorting Too Soon

I don't know that many people know this about me, but I'm a bit of a Harry Potter nerd. I remember when the first book came out my parents gave it to me for Christmas. None of us really knew what it was because it was brand new, but my parents had heard it was a good book for kids and gave it to me. I was instantly hooked on the series. This was before the craze, before the movies, before anyone knew about the series. I have read the books multiple times and my birthday present to myself one year while on the mission was to buy the entire Harry Potter series in Portuguese. In our small apartment most of the books I own are in boxes; Harry Potter, however, is out on the book shelf.

It usually takes me about a week and a half to read the series, maybe two full weeks. Back in February Kelsey wanted to read the books because she had never read the full series and wanted to see how the books compared to the movies because she had only read the books once. Once she started reading I couldn't keep myself from reading them too.

Reading this time around, there was a line that especially stood out to me. It's not one I never noticed before, but one that caused me stop and think about it more than it usual does. I'm sure most have either read the books or seen the movie and the plot line is no secret to you, but in case you haven't I'll be vague about the scenario. At one point in the series Dumbledore says," You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon...."

Now I know the logical progression from this thought is to apply it in terms of not judging others. But a different quote came to mind in conjunction with Dumbledore's. In his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie quotes the following from an article titled Bits and Pieces:

Distrust you first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.

It's true though, isn't it? When affronted by an unpleasant situation what is our first reaction? Does it ever bring out the best in us?

Unfortunately we live in a world that has taught us there is no consequence tied to acting on our first reaction. Disagree? Go read the comment board on virtually any news article. Or someone's ranting Facebook post. Or the innocent post that generated hundreds of comments, most of which include people arguing, simply trying to assert their dominance and by so doing find a sense of pride and self-satisfaction. Often that first reaction is to build ourselves up by tearing someone else down. And social media gives a platform for doing so without accruing much personal risk.

You can post anonymously. Or you can post with your name. Doesn't matter. When you post, you post to a world full of people you don't know nor interact with. What does it matter if you offend, hurt, or tear down another with your words? There exists a disconnect between what you say and the repercussions. And with this disconnect, you can experience your instantaneous gratification--your tiny ego boost--without feeling you have done any damage.

And then later you realize what you did wrong. You delete your comments. But the damage has already been done. Or someone calls you out for what you said. So you become more defensive, more certain that what you said was right. You argue your point with more vigor. And so does the other person. And the vicious cycle becomes more vicious. That first instinctive impression becomes more and more instinctive, more primitive, more intent on wounding others than resolving problems.

I made the mistake in high school and its one of the moments I regret most. I posted on a blog we had created for discussing school topics. There were comments made about a certain student group. While comments were made in good fun, they were also negative. I made a comment using some language that was intended as a joke because it was quite often used jokingly at the time. After having posted, I realized it probably wasn't the best idea to use some of the words I had: even if they were often used jokingly, they could be offensive. I considered deleting the post and reentered the discussion board to do just that. But then I saw the strong reactions others had towards my comments and some of the comments of others similar to mine. And I became very defensive. I stood up for myself and tried to justify what I had said. I did a complete 180 from wanting to delete the post to wanting to defend it. And I defended myself and what I said, as did the others who felt attacked by the new comments posted. The blog was soon deleted in its entirety.

But even after my comments were deleted, my feelings of shame and guilt couldn't be. I had friends who were members of that particular group. While I didn't feel the things I said applied to them, I imagined how they would feel if they knew what I had said. How could I justify my comments to them? And I thought of the members of the group that my comments could apply to. Even if it was true (and I don't know its fair to say they were), did it really merit our calling attention to? Did they deserved to be attacked? I don't think they did. Like I said, its one of the moments I regret most.

To me this issue extends well beyond the realms of social media. Social media simply opened the door. It taught us the habit that we can and should say whatever we think or feel. It has taught us to remove all filters. And while people may initially develop the habit while roaming the world wide web, I think it soon spills over into everyday life. And we see the effects it has every night on the news.

So learn a lesson from my mistake, from someone who walked that road if only once. Don't trust your first instinctive impression. Remember that sometimes we, like Hogwarts, sort too soon.

So don't sort too soon.

"Would I do Things Differently?"

We are not perfect.

The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.

Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.

The Merciful Shall Obtain Mercy

 President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

 

I heard this song by Relient K the other day for the first time in a long time, and it seemed to be the missing link between some of the thoughts I had been having lately.

I think we all have moments in our lives that this song describes. Moments that we wish that we could take back. Things we wish we never said. Lines we never should have crossed. I know I have a lot of those moments.

Near the end of my mission, Elder Bednar came and spoke with us. I remember at one point he was talking to us about his own mission and said, "Would I do things differently? Of course I would." He then told us how he knew things now he didn't understand then. He even made this confession: "I wasn't the best missionary, but I didn't waste the Lord's time."

When looking back on those moments in our own lives that we wish we could change, I think we share Elder Bednar's feelings. If we could go back, would we do things differently? Of course we would. We know better now. But that is part of life. We are meant to make mistakes. We gain experience as we go through life and realize better ways to handle situations.

Which brings me to a story from the first few weeks of my mission. While we were still in the MTC in Brasil, our district president's wife talked to us one Sunday about missionaries going home early. She told us we can't go home early, "because everything is different now." She explained that when missionaries go home early they think they are going back to the life they left; but they quickly learn that while they have been gone--for however long or short that might have been--life back home has changed. People have changed. Places have changed. They themselves have changed. She talked about how you aren't going back to the life you left because everything has changed. In her words, "everything is different" and that in part is because you yourself have changed.

I saw how true that was when I got home from my mission. It was amazing to realize how I had changed. The change in yourself at times is so imperceptible on the mission that you don't see it until you return to "real" life. And people were different. Not just their physical features. But people themselves. And the dynamics of your family relationships and friendships change too. Not to say that these changes were bad. Simply that life really was different than when I left. It is a consequence of time.

I have been getting a lot of wedding announcements from friends recently (Kelsey would have you believe we get one every day we have been getting so many) and I think that is what started me thinking about these things. Thinking about seeing those friends--and the other friends I could possible see at these receptions--caused me to remember a lot of good times and some of those moments I wish that I could take back. I knew some of the people that I would see would only remember me for those bad moments, not the good moments I wish they would remember me by.

And I realized something. There were people that I would see that I only remember by moments they probably don't want to be remembered by. It comes back to that quote by President Uchtdorf. All of us are imperfect. We all have done things we wish that we could take back. And if we want others to be willing to forget those moments, we first need to forget those moments of others.

People change. We all change. But we need to be willing to see the change in others. To see them for who they have become. Not who they were. And to see them for who they are still capable of becoming. Because even though we have changed (hopefully for the better), we are still imperfect. We will still have those moments. We still can become better.

Happy October. And November. And Thanksgiving.

And a merry chirstmas to everyone while I am at it (but hopefully I write another post before then).

So lets just say life is a little crazy right now. I always thought working while in school would be just like when I was an SBO or playing sports. But I am finding it totally different. My life really is consumed by both work and school right now. If I have learned anything this semester, it is to always give yourself a p-day. Sunday as your only day off just isn't enough.

In honor of Thanksgiving, I am very grateful for a few things in my life right now. One of them being the end of the semester. I know it is only a few week break that we get, but I am looking forward to it. However, right behind that break is a brand new semester of classes. And I am still trying to figure out what those classes will be. I am back in that whole debate about what I actually want to be when I grow up.

The problem is I am grown up. And the U wants me to declare a major. Something about already having 60 credit hours and if I don't declare a major they won't be letting me register for classes the coming fall semester. No pressure there or anything.

After this semester I am kinda kicking to the curb the whole idea of psychology. It was fun while it lasted. But the psychology as science and profession class that I had to take this semester made me see that I am not that interested in any of those careers.

And after taking a similar class for medicine (intro to careers in medicine) I am feeling the same way about medicine. More than anything else I have learned I really don't want to perform surgery. Not that it grosses me out (although some surgeries do), but I just really don't want to operate on people. It just doesn't seem fun to me.

So the idea now is back to Physical Therapy and majoring in exercises and sports sciences (which was my plan for a long time, just thought I would be an orthopedic and not a physical therapist). And who knows but maybe something like teaching. Specifically seminary. Teaching as I have mentioned before is something that I love and what better subject to teach than the gospel. We will just have to see how things pan out over the next few years.

I am also very grateful for a great girlfriend (like the alliteration? I did). Kelsey and I are still dating and have done all sorts of fun and exciting things over the last month or so. Back in October I won tickets at work for a preseason Jazz game so we went to that, went to a Rsl game, corn maze, Rodizio Grill, carved pumpkins, and the list goes on and on. We have been having a fun time together, that is for sure.

To finish it off, just a favorite Mormon message. The title for my blog comes from a favorite movie of mine, Dan in Real Life, and I love this line from the end where he explains that maybe the advice adults should give to younger people is "plan to be surprised." I feel like that is the story of my life. Every time I feel I have it figure out, everything changes. The mat gets pulled out from under my feet and I am left struggling to stand back up. Sometimes I feel like the currant bush, that I have been cut down, but time after time the Gardner proves more wise than I. While my life might be quite different than the way I had it all mapped out, I see now it is also much better than anything I had imagined for myself.

Now if you are just skimming this post (because honestly, we all just skim), I hope you will take the time to watch this video.

And I too say, "thank you, Mr. Gardner, for cutting me down."