We are not perfect.
The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.
Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
I heard this song by Relient K the other day for the first time in a long time, and it seemed to be the missing link between some of the thoughts I had been having lately.
I think we all have moments in our lives that this song describes. Moments that we wish that we could take back. Things we wish we never said. Lines we never should have crossed. I know I have a lot of those moments.
Near the end of my mission, Elder Bednar came and spoke with us. I remember at one point he was talking to us about his own mission and said, "Would I do things differently? Of course I would." He then told us how he knew things now he didn't understand then. He even made this confession: "I wasn't the best missionary, but I didn't waste the Lord's time."
When looking back on those moments in our own lives that we wish we could change, I think we share Elder Bednar's feelings. If we could go back, would we do things differently? Of course we would. We know better now. But that is part of life. We are meant to make mistakes. We gain experience as we go through life and realize better ways to handle situations.
Which brings me to a story from the first few weeks of my mission. While we were still in the MTC in Brasil, our district president's wife talked to us one Sunday about missionaries going home early. She told us we can't go home early, "because everything is different now." She explained that when missionaries go home early they think they are going back to the life they left; but they quickly learn that while they have been gone--for however long or short that might have been--life back home has changed. People have changed. Places have changed. They themselves have changed. She talked about how you aren't going back to the life you left because everything has changed. In her words, "everything is different" and that in part is because you yourself have changed.
I saw how true that was when I got home from my mission. It was amazing to realize how I had changed. The change in yourself at times is so imperceptible on the mission that you don't see it until you return to "real" life. And people were different. Not just their physical features. But people themselves. And the dynamics of your family relationships and friendships change too. Not to say that these changes were bad. Simply that life really was different than when I left. It is a consequence of time.
Near the end of my mission, Elder Bednar came and spoke with us. I remember at one point he was talking to us about his own mission and said, "Would I do things differently? Of course I would." He then told us how he knew things now he didn't understand then. He even made this confession: "I wasn't the best missionary, but I didn't waste the Lord's time."
When looking back on those moments in our own lives that we wish we could change, I think we share Elder Bednar's feelings. If we could go back, would we do things differently? Of course we would. We know better now. But that is part of life. We are meant to make mistakes. We gain experience as we go through life and realize better ways to handle situations.
Which brings me to a story from the first few weeks of my mission. While we were still in the MTC in Brasil, our district president's wife talked to us one Sunday about missionaries going home early. She told us we can't go home early, "because everything is different now." She explained that when missionaries go home early they think they are going back to the life they left; but they quickly learn that while they have been gone--for however long or short that might have been--life back home has changed. People have changed. Places have changed. They themselves have changed. She talked about how you aren't going back to the life you left because everything has changed. In her words, "everything is different" and that in part is because you yourself have changed.
I saw how true that was when I got home from my mission. It was amazing to realize how I had changed. The change in yourself at times is so imperceptible on the mission that you don't see it until you return to "real" life. And people were different. Not just their physical features. But people themselves. And the dynamics of your family relationships and friendships change too. Not to say that these changes were bad. Simply that life really was different than when I left. It is a consequence of time.
I have been getting a lot of wedding announcements from friends recently (Kelsey would have you believe we get one every day we have been getting so many) and I think that is what started me thinking about these things. Thinking about seeing those friends--and the other friends I could possible see at these receptions--caused me to remember a lot of good times and some of those moments I wish that I could take back. I knew some of the people that I would see would only remember me for those bad moments, not the good moments I wish they would remember me by.
And I realized something. There were people that I would see that I only remember by moments they probably don't want to be remembered by. It comes back to that quote by President Uchtdorf. All of us are imperfect. We all have done things we wish that we could take back. And if we want others to be willing to forget those moments, we first need to forget those moments of others.
People change. We all change. But we need to be willing to see the change in others. To see them for who they have become. Not who they were. And to see them for who they are still capable of becoming. Because even though we have changed (hopefully for the better), we are still imperfect. We will still have those moments. We still can become better.
And I realized something. There were people that I would see that I only remember by moments they probably don't want to be remembered by. It comes back to that quote by President Uchtdorf. All of us are imperfect. We all have done things we wish that we could take back. And if we want others to be willing to forget those moments, we first need to forget those moments of others.
People change. We all change. But we need to be willing to see the change in others. To see them for who they have become. Not who they were. And to see them for who they are still capable of becoming. Because even though we have changed (hopefully for the better), we are still imperfect. We will still have those moments. We still can become better.
